Recovery: Day 1
My girlfriend is forcing me into recovery, im not even at a lower weight yet, but she cant handle seeing me mentally break down and self harm anymore. Its either recover myself or go to a psych ward..
I decided for my first day to eat raw vegan meals, which involved a scare food (avocado AND banana).
But i did it. I ate 3 meals. 3 MEALS. And ofc i was upset and scared, but i was proud.
Hopefully i can still lose weight and eat more.. doesnt feel possible but i have no other option.. wish me luck
Depressing episode part 1
Bulimia is the fucking worst thing you can ever experience. I was doing so well, I hadn’t eaten in about 30 hours… then had to fight the urge to binge for about 5 hrs. Cleaning my room, re arrange it, clean the house, re arrange that. Over and over. All to end in a massive fucking B I N G E !!!!
I’m over it, I’m tired of binging, I’m tired of purging, I’m tired of day to day fucking shit. It’s all fucking shit
Days arent worth it anymore. I exist for the sake of everyone else around me, not for the sake of myself. I couldnt give a shit about what happens to me, I honestly hope I fucking die.
I cant get help until I’m skinny, I fucking cant
But can’t live this life anymore. I’m done. I’m fucking done.
Personal Ana Rules:
•1 = NO BINGING ON JUNK FOOD (I would say no binges at all but let’s be real, so stick to fruit/veg)
•2 = MAXIMUM of 500 calories every 2nd day - fast every other day !
•3 = go for a walk every day, and go for morning run 5 times a week
•4 = no sugar/no carbs/no fats
•5 = when eating, you MUST have 2 served vegetables
•6 = if you binge on junk food, whatever calories you ate must be deducted by how many days that would cover, and cannot eat until all those calories are ‘gone’ (plus laxatives)
•7 = weigh yourself once a week - lose 1kg a week!
FUCK ANA
So i went to a buffet restaurant last night with my house mates (DID NOT want to go but didnt want to be rude) and holy fucking shit. I thought i was doing better right? Nah nahhh fuck that
It literally felt like ana was going to behead me and shit down my neck. All i could hear was “dont you fucking dare put that in your mouth” and then ofc my best gal pal mia decided to join in, “eating brings comfort for 2 seconds. Worth it. Eat 5 plates, no one will stop you”
Then end up purging in a PUBLIC BATHROOM. WITH PEOPLE AROUND.
Ive never felt so fucking disgusting in my L I F E
Send help x
Is it just me or whenever a friend says “oh maybe I should starve or lose weight too” inside your mind your screaming “NO you CANT do that that’s MY thing” like that’s how fucked up i am
Every damn time
I’m going to k.m.s
Me @ me
Xans and cones to get through a binge
The scene in shane Dawson’s $10'000 hotel video where he frantically attacks the mini bar is LITERALLY ME
thin-as-flowers
F E B U A R Y 🌼
that’s my goal. I want to be at LEAST 80-75lbs by february. it’s doable if i fucking stick with it this time. And I WILL
